You learn things when you stay up late...

...Things you probably don't want to know. I was just now sitting on my front porch, after midnight. I was smoking a cigarette and reading emails. A car pulled up to the stop sign in front of my house and a guy got out. Looked like he might of dropped something. All of the sudden, I realize he's taking a piss. Right in front of my house.
Me: What the f@@$ are you doing?!!
Drunken Jerk: Peeing in the drain.
Me: Wah...k...ff..tt?!! Get your ass home and use your own bathroom!
Jerk: I was trying, but I couldn't make it... Sorry bro.
He zips up, gets in and the car speeds off.
What the hell? Is this a common after midnight occurrence in my 'hood? I wouldn't know, but I fear the answer.
And as I'm relating this story in an email to someone else, I can hear several voices screaming at each other from about two blocks down the street.
This is the ghetto after dark.
As I'm getting ready to go back inside, I notice a couple walking down the street, so I sit still. They walk past me, cut across the corner of my lawn and head up the street. I resist the urge to yell at them for using my yard as a sidewalk. Probably prudent since they were crackheads; I hear him yell at her after they've rounded my house:
"Mutha f##@ing dyke! I ain't gonna smoke witchu! F@!%ing dyke!"
That's it! I've had it. I'm buying a gun.
A big pump 12-gauge, just to rest on my lap when I'm on the porch. I don't even need shells. Just something to cock loudly whenever I get audacious visitors.