The TV clip you'll never see

If a journalist goes on the television news and nobody watches him, does he make a sound?
I think not.
I went on the 6 o'clock news to talk about the week in review, but nobody seems to have seen me. So I don't even know how I did. And I'm not going to get a video clip either.
But apparently a consultant comes by every few months to critique us journalists on our TV habits by watching tape with us.
No no's: Wearing light shirts. Saying 'umm' a lot. Looking off camera to the right or left (down is fine).
And now I understand why every tv anchorman is clean shaven. When I smile with a Van Dyck, it looks like I'm baring my teeth to bite someone. And nobody wears glasses. Thanks to the beams shining from the ceiling, my eyes become blazing shafts of light.